19th
this looks so out of place in the wave of happiness
Wow. I’m a senior. But I look back at the 4 years of high school, and it really doesn’t seem like much. What have I really done in my past 17 years that truly distinguishes me from everyone else? How am I unique? How can I even dream of getting into top colleges like Stanford against the toughest competition in the world? These thoughts keep circling my head as I sit and start thinking about college applications. I realize that every other senior has gone through this feeling before, but I can’t help but feeling overwhelmed by this whole process. Gahhhhhhhhhh. Just starting the essays is so difficult. What if they think i’m arrogant? What if they think I’m meek? What if they think I’m unworthy? Regrets of laziness and procrastination from freshman year and other stupid shit I’ve done over the years come sprining back with abandon, and I realize everything I’ve done wrong with my life. But I have to suck it up, start writing, start editing, block these distracting thoughts, and just work through 3 and a half more months. 100 Days of Hell. But after that, it shall be glorious.
God I suck at writing journal posts. I should update this more often and stop checking back once every 2 months and reading other people’s posts for hours at 2 in the morning.
